Absurd Love Song Lyrics

Click on photo for source.

Click on photo for source.

I’m sure a book can be written on this topic (and more than likely someone somewhere has done so), but after humming a line from Frank Sinatra’s Fly Me to the Moon, I realized just how inane the lyrics are.

Consider these songs, for example, beginning with Sinatra’s.

Fly Me to the Moon (Frank Sinatra)

…let me play among the stars. Let me know what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars….In other words, I love you.

Um, what the heck? Let’s recap in laymen’s terms:  “Hey baby, I totally want to travel to a planet where my eyes will pop out of my head from the extreme pressure of the atmosphere and my skin will burst into flames from intense heat. Oh…in other words, I love you.”

Does that line work, ladies? If so, I think I’m starting to realize what I was doing wrong in high school.

Right Round (Boy George)

You spin me right round, baby, right round, like a record, baby, round round right round…

One of two things is happening:  either A) his ‘baby’ is literally spinning him around or B) he’s been binge drinking and the world only SEEMS to be spinning. My guess is B, as alcohol is more likely than A to lead to the natural progression of the next lyric, “I want your loooooooooooooooove…

Close to You (Richard Chamberlain)

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be close to you.

Er…there’s some flaws with this reasoning. I mean, if you bring a girl to your house and it’s infested with cockroaches and the girl’s like, “Why is your house infested with cockroaches?” The guy isn’t going to get away with saying something like, “Just like me, they long to be close to you.” Therefore, the natural answer to the question, Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?, is either A) whoever’s being sung to in this song has a terrible, terrible hygiene problem, enough to entice wildlife to follow him/her around, or B) the person carries an absurd amount of birdseed in his/her pocket wherever he/she goes…the weirdo.

I Would Do Anything for Love (But I won’t do that) (Meatloaf)

The lyric in question is in the title, and to ask the obvious question:  what the hell won’t he do? I mean, there’s this huge buildup to it and then a huge letdown. I envision Meatloaf on the altar, saying his personalized vows (“Baby, I would do anything for love…”) to his wife and in the middle of she gives him a knowing look and a cock of the eyebrow. And then understanding that she’s thinking about one specific thing in the bedroom that pushes his comfort zone into the red, he inserts at the last minute (“B…b…but…I won’t do that“)

Am I way off base here?

Every Breath You Take (The Police)

Every breath you take

Every move you make

Every bond you break

Every step you take

I’ll be watching you

I have never understood this song. Anyone else think it sounds more like a creepy stalker song than a love song? No? Well, imagine it wasn’t used in half the romance movies from the 80s. Now imagine an unkempt, pale, almost sickly looking dude donning a gray hoody with random rips and stains in his blue jeans. Imagine he’s glaring at you like one who’s just escaped the nuthouse, and is lurking in the shadows of an empty parking garage at nighttime, trying to draw your attention with a raspy spssss as you walk by. Once he has your attention, imagine that he begins reciting those lyrics with a slow, deliberate intensity.

Still sound like a love song?

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About authorphilpartington

Phil is a writing enthusiast of many years, having been published in numerous online and national print trade and sports publications over the past decade. He has spent the past five years delving back into the world of fiction writing, focussing on the fantasy, horror and suspense genres. Deshay of the Woods is his first novel.
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8 Responses to Absurd Love Song Lyrics

  1. Hehehe. Great post 🙂 For the Police song, I always got the feeling that he’s “watching you” in a more metaphorical sense, as in, not actually creeping around and watching you through binoculars, but more kind of … being present. As in, “I’ll be watching OUT for you”.

    • See, that’s what they WANT you to think, Michelle. It’s kind of like when people in romance movies watch the one they love as that person sleeps. It’s supposed to be all romantic and sweet, but really, if you woke up to someone watching you sleep–and I mean staring for long stretches of time like they do in movies–you wouldn’t be a little creeped out?

  2. On a side note, an alert reader pointed out to me that Meatloaf does in fact say what the thing is he won’t do in the song. However, it seems to me he’s just saying he won’t forget his love and let go, in so many words. Perhaps I’m misinterpreting him, but that seems strange to me, too. I mean, can you really think of a circumstance where FORGETTING your love is a sacrifice you would do FOR love? I can see a situation where, if you really love someone sometimes it’s best to let them go, but that doesn’t mean forgetting and if he’s doing these things FOR love that could be interpreted as TO OBTAIN love, in which case, forgetting (and even letting go) is counterproductive. Of course, he may be meaning FOR as in IN THE NAME OF, in which case that sort of could fit.

    But now my brain’s fried, so I’ll move on 😛

  3. If you look at a lot of Sting’s lyrics you’ll find creepy stuff. Apparently he wrote ‘Every breath you take’ when he was splitting up from his wife, so I think it’s intentionally double-edged. As for ‘You spin me round’ I think it was by Dead or Alive and according to Wikipedia their own record company dismissed it as ‘rubbish.’ Oh well.

  4. Dyane says:

    lol Mr. Logical, you never cease to amaze me.

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