I’m sure a book can be written on this topic (and more than likely someone somewhere has done so), but after humming a line from Frank Sinatra’s Fly Me to the Moon, I realized just how inane the lyrics are.
Consider these songs, for example, beginning with Sinatra’s.
Fly Me to the Moon (Frank Sinatra)
…let me play among the stars. Let me know what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars….In other words, I love you.
Um, what the heck? Let’s recap in laymen’s terms: “Hey baby, I totally want to travel to a planet where my eyes will pop out of my head from the extreme pressure of the atmosphere and my skin will burst into flames from intense heat. Oh…in other words, I love you.”
Does that line work, ladies? If so, I think I’m starting to realize what I was doing wrong in high school.
Right Round (Boy George)
You spin me right round, baby, right round, like a record, baby, round round right round…
One of two things is happening: either A) his ‘baby’ is literally spinning him around or B) he’s been binge drinking and the world only SEEMS to be spinning. My guess is B, as alcohol is more likely than A to lead to the natural progression of the next lyric, “I want your loooooooooooooooove…”
Close to You (Richard Chamberlain)
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be close to you.
Er…there’s some flaws with this reasoning. I mean, if you bring a girl to your house and it’s infested with cockroaches and the girl’s like, “Why is your house infested with cockroaches?” The guy isn’t going to get away with saying something like, “Just like me, they long to be close to you.” Therefore, the natural answer to the question, Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?, is either A) whoever’s being sung to in this song has a terrible, terrible hygiene problem, enough to entice wildlife to follow him/her around, or B) the person carries an absurd amount of birdseed in his/her pocket wherever he/she goes…the weirdo.
I Would Do Anything for Love (But I won’t do that) (Meatloaf)
The lyric in question is in the title, and to ask the obvious question: what the hell won’t he do? I mean, there’s this huge buildup to it and then a huge letdown. I envision Meatloaf on the altar, saying his personalized vows (“Baby, I would do anything for love…”) to his wife and in the middle of she gives him a knowing look and a cock of the eyebrow. And then understanding that she’s thinking about one specific thing in the bedroom that pushes his comfort zone into the red, he inserts at the last minute (“B…b…but…I won’t do that“)
Am I way off base here?
Every Breath You Take (The Police)
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you
I have never understood this song. Anyone else think it sounds more like a creepy stalker song than a love song? No? Well, imagine it wasn’t used in half the romance movies from the 80s. Now imagine an unkempt, pale, almost sickly looking dude donning a gray hoody with random rips and stains in his blue jeans. Imagine he’s glaring at you like one who’s just escaped the nuthouse, and is lurking in the shadows of an empty parking garage at nighttime, trying to draw your attention with a raspy spssss as you walk by. Once he has your attention, imagine that he begins reciting those lyrics with a slow, deliberate intensity.
Still sound like a love song?