Happy New Year’s: 2014 Bold Predictions


Click on photo for original source.

Click on photo for original source.

Happy New Year’s, folks. 2013 was a roller coaster ride in my house, but overall I can’t complain. We welcomed a new addition with the birth of our second son, got to go on a few summer trips, and other than this last month have managed to stay somewhat healthy for having a newborn and two young’uns in daycare.

Some people celebrate the start of a new year with a resolution or two. I don’t feel like doing this. For starters, half the time I just come up with a resolution of something I should be doing anyway. The other half of the time I end up rolling my eyes at those who hit the gym hard for the month of January (ever notice how few treadmills are freed up during this month?). So no…no resolution for me this year. Instead, I’m going to make a few bold predictions. Yep, the magic eight ball’s coming out. You can take this stuff to the bank…really.

Bold Prediction #1:  In an attempt to compete with some of the more popular American sports for ratings, professional bowling will add padless goalies to guard the pins.

Bold Prediction #2:  The end of humankind, that is to say the apocalypse, will take a huge step this year, and it won’t come from nuclear war, artificial intelligence turning on us, or global warming. Nope…it will come from young men wearing skinny jeans. Seriously guys…sperm counts must be plummeting!

Bold Prediction #3:  Hollywood’s going to run out of things to re-re-make, so instead will turn to splicing classics. Hence, the introduction of can’t-miss titles, like:

  • Orphan Annie:  Rise against the Machines
  • Godzilla vs. Mecha Knight Rider
  • Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

Bold Prediction #4:  Miley Cyrus’s tongue will get frozen to a pole a la A Christmas Story. They will have to call the fire department.

Bold Prediction #5:  Joan Rivers will have finally changed out so much of her own body with plastic surgery in an attempt to stay young that science will recognize her as a completely different person.

There you have it–etch it in stone. I realize some of these aren’t so bold, but I thought they should be said nonetheless.

Check out this site for some interesting real predictions in history that in hindsight look absurd (aka The World’s Worst Predictions).


About authorphilpartington

Phil is a writing enthusiast of many years, having been published in numerous online and national print trade and sports publications over the past decade. He has spent the past five years delving back into the world of fiction writing, focussing on the fantasy, horror and suspense genres. Deshay of the Woods is his first novel.
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